The first turn… I think I’ll go left

Why me? What am I doing here? Well you see it's like this. One minute I'm writing a paper on the Great Gatsby and the next I'm receiving an email from www.anarchyzen.blogspot.com/ and from there I'm wandering to http://www.dehuman8.blogspot.com/ and now well.... I think I I can admit it to you but don't tell anyone ok. I'm doing it to avoid homework. Yes that's right. I only have two weeks left in my Associates program and now I want to avoid homework. I'm lazy, truly I am, I hate having to do stuff but I'm bored when I'm not doing anything. I'd be miserable if I had everything handed to me but man wouldn't I love to have it all done for me. I'm just a very confused little girl. Well not so little anymore. I can't even fake the sweet and innocent crap. I've become a bit cynical. Oh I'm still about wanting happiness and love and forever after but now I belief it won't ever be perfect. There will always be taxes, sickness, crime, and perversions of nature and spirit in this world. That last was by no means in reference to any of my friends no matter how hard you try and yes I realize I listed taxes first. There's reasons behind everyone's lose of faith in themselves or their spirit. My cynicism snunk up on me when I was little, it introduced itself very politely, asked me if I wanted to play, and when I said no it hit me in the head and left me with a big gaping wound. It's become infected by wrong desions in my life, misrepresentations of dreams, personal failings, as well as internal and external abuse upon the soul. There have been many times when I or some other caring individual has cleaned out the wound, sterilized it, bandaged it, and taken care for awhile to tend it properly but eventually it becomes a boring vigil of walking on egg shells and not worth it anymore. I know I'm irrational but hey I'm not hiding it. I know who I am and I know what I'm doing. I also know life makes no sense and I'm not just going to go with the flow anymore. Long live the irrational beating of the female heart.